7/21 Friends

I always liked to think of myself as a social critter, but now that I'm experimenting with a couple more friends, I don't know if I can really keep it up. I'm turning into my dad: somebody who only really talks when there's talkin' that need to be done. That doesn't mean I don't talk to other people all the time, but I won't go out of my way to chat it up with somebody if I don't have to.

Sora sent me a birthday present, he obviously didn't know that it was my birthday (I'm sure he got a notification about it on his phone) and then he decided to send me something. I don't know why he's doing it. I don't know what kind of boyfriend he's going to be once he comes back. I'm so confused! I wish he was just gone forever so I could focus on the rest of my life. I worry that this is the real curse of adulthood - it's hard to connect with people and have real conversations.

Which really makes this whole thing such a bunk. I make friends but I don't know just how close they want to be. Leo is a nice guy - too nice. Too quiet. I wish we would share more. I don't know what type of person he is, which could be part of the cultural gap I keep trying to explore. Jun #1 is too bitchy; He is stuck in his own world and his own selfishness. Jun #2 could be exactly the type of friend I've been looking for, but I don't know quite what to give to him in terms of friendship. He lives in Osaka. Who else is in my life? Kouhei, talked to him once and he disappeared. Giulia is a girl lol. Sora is ... gone. Heart crushing. He'll be back, I'll be too nice, and then I'll resent the relationship for not going anywhere. We'll see how his English is. Maybe his personality will be completely different, too.

That doesn't leave me with very much left. There are so many people that claim they want "friends" but earning friends and keeping friends are two different things. As with the GDC experiment - just because you ask somebody to communicate with you or ask somebody to be your friend, it doesn't mean that they are going to come back and actually be one with you. I am strangely still alone in the world. I share my subtle victories with Cassy when I have to, and then wonder when the world is going to share their victories with me.