It's already 36 outside and mid July. I'm going to straight up roast when August comes around. Sora comes back 9 weeks from today. I'm not emotionally prepared for it. I'm not really prepared for anything.
So what's really been going wrong lately? After the std scare, I'm so fucking scared of people. I don't know what I want. Leo is cool, I guess, but I is so distant, most of it is the language. He's really the reason I'm posting tonight, a post I haven't made in a seriously long time.
I need somebody who can care for me emotionally. It's not easy, I think that's the kind of caring face I've mostly been looking for over the past lifetime. I need someone who can just hold me when I'm having a bad day. Of course, I'll be there for them, too. Is it Sora? Probably not, at least not today. He's stuck in his own life. I certainly care for him a ton, but if I don't get anything back from him, I'm really sad. Leo is just distant, he's a weird emotional rebound from Sora, who was the catalyst. Jun... Oh what to do about Jun. He could be perfect. He is in love with me and we don't even know each other. I could see myself seriously loving him back, though. It's just a killer he doesn't live here. He needs to know the truth.
Aside from my destroyed emotional state, I don't know what I want. The heat destroys me physically, work destroys me mentally. I have nothing left to use to fight socially and emotionally. Koichi is certainly going to be a burden. Yuck. I love that little puffball, too. I'd be taking the subway everyday if he didn't exist ;)
I need to figure out my life. Ffffuuuu not this shit again...
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